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[icon] Truth and illusion. Who knows the difference...? - anterockstar
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Current Music:Beethoven's 5th
Current Location:The office..... sighs
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Subject:Truth and illusion. Who knows the difference...?
Time:10:26 am
Current Mood:contentcontent
A line from "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf"

Well... to tell the truth, I am.  For good reason.

An audience member the other day compared me to Virginia Woolf, and although I'd heard the name before, I didn't know much about her, so I researched it.

Turns out me and Mrs. Woolf have alot in common.  Our views are similar, she was often referred to as a feminist, although she deplored the term, preferring to be referred to as a humanist...  She was a prolific writer (although I am not published, I have amassed quite a large amount of work in the past couple of years), and unfortunately for her, she was bi-polar and a manic depressive.  She committed suicide at the age of 59, feeling the onset of another depressive spell, one she feared she would not be able to survive.... welcome to despair.

My sanity has been questioned extensively, although I feel quite sane.  I am aware of my proclivity for extreme spells of emotion, despair, depression, and the occasional obsessive trait.  I count... over and over and over again... I will count anything, the lines on tiles, of paintings, the walls in rooms... anything at all.... I stop myself when I realize what I'm doing.  My awareness and management of my so-called "symptoms" does not preclude me from getting a 66% positive score on a schizophrenia test, but it makes me able to function effectively on a day-to-day basis.

After having pondered and analyzed the hell out of my mental condition, I have come to the conclusion that I am not insane... I am bored, and misunderstood.  I find it difficult to communicate with most people, generally because they have no understanding of the scope of the subjects I broach.  The everyday is not something I want to live for the rest of my life... I want to live the life extra-ordinary, and for that to happen....  well, I'm just going to have to risk my sanity.

Many, many creatives of great accomplishment have tragically committed suicide, spent years in rehab from addictions of many types, fallen to the weakness of their inability to manage their mental state.

One would have to wonder then, if it's worth it, to explore the realm of the unreal (dreams), and attempt to bring them to fruition through whatever means the creative chooses to use.  

The thing is... if we (creatives) choose not to... we choose a fate worse than death.   Like flowers withering unbloomed on the branch, there is life, but no beauty.  I refuse to waste my life doing tasks that are beneath me.  I am capable of so much more....  We all are.

Musicians are nothing more then people who have figured out how to use their equipment to produce beauty with sound.  Some have even managed to create great beauty with faulty equipment (Beethoven being a prime example).

I have the same equipment as everyone else, ears, lungs, and a voice.  I will produce beauty with them, just to prove that I can.  My sanity be damned...... none of you live in my head.... I DO.



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(Anonymous)
Subject:Courage...
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-13 05:06 pm (UTC)
I am the one who wrote the first comment on the previous post, apparently as you were writing the current one; I apologize for the poor timing.

Please do not worry about having to do something extraordinary to do justice to your life. In this life that has been made unreal by Hollywood and the rest of the media, the "ordinary" has become the extraordinary, and is a much greater challenge.
Love, as always.
(Reply) (Thread)


zedzeddouble9_g
Subject:Oh, Honey...
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-13 08:12 pm (UTC)
...If I weren't straight I'd be your Raging Queen Supporter.
(Reply) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
Subject: Woolf, et al.
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-13 11:11 pm (UTC)
I think you do share traits with Virginia Woolf - the beauty of an undiscovered, misunderstood soul BUT .... I think you can share in the creative process, as she did, without the tragic circumstances. I think you have an awareness of things that she, as a woman of her period, perhaps did not. I think the notion of the tragic, poor artist is overplayed and misunderstood at times. Some of them lived contented, prosperous lives, others did not. You have choices today that they did not have. Thinking outside the box and being true to yourself is one thing, living from a box is something else - certainly not romantic.
(Reply) (Thread)


anterockstar
Subject:Re: Woolf, et al.
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-13 11:59 pm (UTC)
I agree in that I don't think I'll end up with a tragic end like Virginia Woolf. In the first place, I am aware of the pitfalls of the path I travel, and am armed with the knowledge of those who have travelled it before me.

In the second place, she lived with tragedies that I have been spared (her mother dying when she was young, sexual abuse, etc...). My mind is much sounder for that.

Besides, I'm one of those dogged women who refuse to die...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
Subject:Jenn
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-14 03:01 am (UTC)
I told you you'd kick ass if you sang Madonna girl - that was really good.

A lot of you people dogging Tammie don't know her very well - you're only making her stronger and more motivated to PROVE YOU ALL WRONG. Those who want to bad-mouth her, just don't WANT her to succeed. Why? Cuz the world is full of people like you - too frightened to go out on a limb and show yourself to the world or make any kind of difference - so there is a degree of satisfaction in knocking another who dares to try. So many people like you, so few people like Tammie.
(Reply) (Thread)


anterockstar
Subject:Re: Jenn
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-14 03:43 am (UTC)
Boy I missed you....*sighs*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
Subject:Re: Jenn
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-15 11:03 pm (UTC)
So many people like you, so few people like Tammie.

That's true ... most of us wear bras.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


anterockstar
Subject:Re: Jenn
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-16 02:29 am (UTC)
*giggles*

Now that was genuinely funny.... And because it's unsigned, I can use it in my stand up routine... Thanks *wink*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

(Anonymous)
Subject:Re: Jenn -
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-16 03:38 pm (UTC)
That was f__king hilarious - I'm sure the guys have no complaints!

WHO CARES IF SHE ISN'T WEARING A BRA???!! Give me a break! What the hell???

Jenn
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


anterockstar
Subject:Re: Jenn -
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-16 09:41 pm (UTC)
*giggles*

As if I have anything to put in a bra at this point anyways...lol...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

[icon] Truth and illusion. Who knows the difference...? - anterockstar
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